22 year old me.

22 year old me.

I have always wanted to grow up. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted so badly to be older than I was, to be grown and in control.

As Fr. Joe (my old SD) told me once "But Naomi, you were never in control."

Growing up and control are definitely not synonymous.

Even when I made decisions to buy a car or rent an apartment or cut my hair. I've never really felt like I'm the one in total control. The older I get, and the closer to the Lord I get, the more it seems that growing up just means letting go of control, more and more. Surrendering one thing after another to Jesus. Laying it on the altar and moving forward, trusting Him with your heart, with your money, with your time.

I turned 22 about a month ago. Everyone still thinks I look about 15. I guess that's OK. I used to think 22 would be a good age to get married and now I just kind of chuckle at little me, being naive.

I don't want to be older than I am anymore. It's not that I don't desire what the future holds, whether it's my vocation or heaven or just a new season in life. I think it's that for the first time, I've surrendered the idea of what I want my life to eventually look like, and started accepting it for what it is, right now.

I'm not waiting around, wishing I had something else, because what I have is pretty awesome as it is.

So, here's to acting my age.