The Insecurity Monster

I went to a talk about money recently. You know that phrase "Time, Treasure, Talent"? It was about the treasure part of it. The part that struck me most was not specifically about money. It was the phrase "be content with what you have".

I have this friend who does ALL THE THINGS. That is just the way she is. She's involved in ALL the things and she's good at them. She recently shared about the things she's doing in her community and the places she's going and all this great stuff. And I am happy for her.

But in creeps the insecurity monster. Is there something better? Why aren't you doing as much?

The insecurity monster and I have been battling for a while. Some times, it eats me for breakfast and grinds up my bones to make it's dinner. Some times, my brain recognizes the insecurity monster and battles with it. Some times, I am able to let things pass without any recognition of the little gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

A lot of times, I get caught up in looking at all the things other people are doing and being and achieving and I look at my little lot in life (which really isn't very little if you think about it, but I'm in pity mode so) and think...Why am I never good enough?

And that's why that phrase "Be content with what you have" struck me. Being content with what you have isn't just being content with the material things. It's being content with you, with where God has placed you, with the things He has you doing, with the way that you were made.

Over and over, I have wished and wished that I would be more outgoing, more creative, more excited, more pretty, more skinny, more talented. I have wished until I'm blue in the face and guess where it has gotten me? Pretty much nowhere except in a little puddle of feeling sorry for myself. If I keep looking at what everyone else is doing and comparing, that's the only place I'm going to end up.

If I keep searching for the best thing, the better thing, I miss the life I have been given, right here, right now.

Instead, I have to look out and see that this is where God has placed me. Me, with oily skin and curly hair, and strong legs and my mind that plans way more than it needs to. God has placed me right here, in my office on the 3rd floor. And I could try to be someone else, be somewhere else, but that's really not going to help anyone or anything. I wasn't made to be those people.

I was made to be me.

So...take that insecurity monster. You suck anyways.


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