A constant state

It seems - these days - that life continues to be ever in a state of upheaval. The days, they come crashing onto the shore with the ins and outs of a tide, sometimes rising, sometimes falling. These days, they are the ones I wish to run from, yet I find myself trapped in the middle of the rise and fall of the tide, frantically trying to keep my head above water.

This reality loses its poetic sound when you see the way my room looks, how the dishes pile up, how my final is in two days and I haven't started studying.

I wonder to myself - has my life ever felt settled? I think it did - for a moment - but the memory of it feels so distant, like a deep grime covers the thought of it and I try to wipe it away, but I don't know what that feels like anymore. I don't know. When people say "Don't settle!" I wonder if they've felt this feeling of uncertainty and the deep desire to settle, anywhere.

I look to the shore - as I am tossed about - and I wish to be there, thinking that is where You are.

But when I feel as though I am going to drown - this time, surely I cannot keep my head up this time. You are there, your feet firmly planted on the ocean floor, Your hair stuck to Your head as You brave the waves to hold onto me, to keep me above water. Salt water slips into my mouth, but I am able to wrap my arms around Your neck, and cling to You.

This we have as an anchor of the soul, sure and firm, which reaches into the interior behind the veil.

You reach into my interior and anchor my soul.